My Life and Beliefs
Chapter One:
Hi everyone!
Maybe I should tell few words about myself for the start, but in this case, I don’t have to. A bit about myself, is already within this webpage, so let’s skip the introduction..
Chapter is about my very early age memories, so I start from there.
I remember pre-school. I was, I think 6 years old, me and the kids in class were did paintings with lady, fun with toys, group games, we had also a nap times, on low-beds. I also remember one return from that pre-school with friend, where I was delicately punched by a car for the first time. Nothing serious happen to me back then. I was only yelled by the driver, who punched me. Another moment I remember is that I scratched someone’s new car with stone, on our block hood, I was caned back then for that by my parents, and was kneeling for half of day with hands up. I remember that cane multiple times, when me and my 4 years older brother, were fighting, or acting bad behavior.
Little later in zero school class, I remember many good things, playing with close friend Jacob, within the block hood area. Yes! We were about 6, or 7 and we could freely spend time outside without parents watching (We thought we aren’t but one of our mums, where always watching us from window).. I remeber we played in the kids playground, we were climbing the trees. There was a crazy old drunked man who sometimes was chasing us, and yelling on us for climbing the trees. But he never catch us anyway!
Me and my family were lived in 12 floors block zone. Parents had the 2 room flat on 8th floor, thanks to FIAT company in our home town Bielsko-Biała. Yes! there were available occupants flats for workers, for very low price back then! Another thing I remember, I was sitting on top of balcony’s railing (on that 8th floor), and throwing my slippers down of my feets, without any fear, but fuck! Mum was scared as hell, when she saw me!!! Yea, I was trouble maker.
Mum told me more details about me, about my early years of life. I was very sick child from the time I was born. I had epilepsy from the born. I had attacks, where whole my face become blue, and I wasn’t breathing at all. Mum was on maternity because of me for 7 years. Doctors were giving me iron dozes, and my second and final teeths that grow, thanks to them, come out as yellow, which become the biggest complex of mine later on.
Mum also explained, why inner side of my left hand is whole covered in scars. When I was 2 years old, and parent’s had one of their friends meeting, with just boiled coffe’s and tea’s on the table edge, Greg walked close to table and pulled tablecloth to him with just boiled coffe or tea. Parents, get back then very expencive german ointment, and thanks to that, my scares are in my natural skin color, and don’t look that bad at all.
These are the most pre-school memories I have, but there is last one, or maybe first one,that I have, and it’s kind of flashback on my mind, when very early, maybe between 1-2 years old I was laying in my babycot, and some unknown female hands, were trying to strangle me, but stopped, and change their mind, and left me alive. I’m nearly sure, that they were strange female hands, and not my mum. She loved me very much, but she sometimes put me under the care of her friend, and I was very loud that night…
Next chapter will be within new zone, and new bigger apratment of my family, and new primary school, and friends. But that one maybe next sunday!
Farewell for now, everyone!
Have a lovely day, all of you.
Chapter 2:
There is a lot more to write in this chapter, as I went to primary school for 8 years.
In first classes, I remember, we were learning typing letters, we drew patterns, and were learning basic countings. I met new friends, mostly from my block, the best of them where Sławek, from the adjacent staircase, and Grzegorz, from the next one. But I didn’t stick to them only, after classes, lots of kids from our block were playing outside. We played schooter, with only tree sticks, we played hide and seek, stick ball, we drew tracks with chalk, we filled the caps with wax, with many different paper countries flags to snap them with fingers on those tracks. Most days we spend outside. We had concrete soccer field, next to our school, and concrete basketball field. We played there in groups almost every day. There was no phones, we always organize ourselfs, by walking one to another staircase, calling intercoms for group up and play. Sometimes one of us bringed knife, we drew circle on ground with it, and throw the knife inside, conquering theritory within. Next to school, there was a cherry orchard, cared by janitor. We sometimes sneaking on the trees and eated a lot of cherries for free. I remember I did it many times until one day, when janitor catched us, he scared us with big belt, he gave me and my friend 3 litre bucket, and order us to fill the bucket. When we done this, he order us to eat it all. Next he ordered to repeat that again, and again, and after eating 5 or 6 buckets, me and my friend were crying as hell, we felt sick, we felt bad, and we never went to steal cherries ever again.
In school I studied well, I had very good grades, but I was bully, and teachers gaved me many notes to the journal, for my bad behiavior. I always got beaten with a belt by my father or mother after school parent meetings. I always got beaten with belt, for each fight with my older brother. And we fight a lot! I broke glass in the door many times, with my own hands, fighting with my brother, I have multiple scares on my wrists thanks to that. One winter, I was swinging on the wicket, and fall on icy ground, and I pierced my cheek with my tooth. I also fall multiple times, hitting the ground with the back of my head. I have a scar there, which i reopen on each falls.
In third class I recieved Holy Communion, and I sign up to be an altar boy. I served at mass twice a week. Once in week days, and second by Sundays. we, altar boys, had opportunity to earn first money only once a year, when we were going on Christmas carols with the priest. Each year we had box for coins, we sang Christmas carols, in each flat, and get small change from people for that. Each year I felt sorry for the priest, as he always took half money out of the box for himself, and he left us to share only half coins for us. That wasn’t right!!! I felt scammed each year, as he was getting big money in envelopes from the faithfull, and he still robbed us from our change box we earned. I served for many years, and in last classes I completed a lectour course, and was ordained. I read the scripture, and sang psalms on masses. My servance in church ended up somewhere in highschool, when I settled with a priest after my last christmas carol. He left me in the office for couple of minutes, and I looked on his computer, and saw dozens of sick, nasty, pornography videos. At this moment I realized, that I won’t serve to church anymore, and I won’t serve anymore for this pervert, robber and gambler. This motherfucker drained money from faithful people for 30 years bulding a church, which could be built in 5. But he was changing his cars every few years, there were rumors, that he brought whores to the parishes, and he wasted money in the casino. I stopped going on masses for the rest of my life. And I stopped beliving in the fucking Church.
Somewhere in 5 or 6 class, parents signed me for keyboard lessons. I learned quick, I learned to play many songs. I performed on many school events, sometimes in group, and sometimes solo. These times I fall in love to music. I felt proud of myself, that I’m memorizing songs so well. Music stayed within my hearth for the rest of my life. At some classes my grades where so high, that I could get red stripe on my certificate, but because of my bad behavior, I never get one. Of course I did some stupid things, for fun I slammed in head my pissing friend in school toilet, and he hitted wall and get head injury, and went to hospital. I felt bad, I apologize him for that, and we never hit any friend again. I also remember that I hurt, and hardly kicked a hedgehog that was walking on the sidewalk. But I felt guilty after that, I felt bad after that, and I never, ever hurt any other animal by the rest of my life. There is one sick memory of mine, when I was in first primary school classes, when I went with my friend on the pools we get naked, and he pushed me his dick just once to experience, and I did the same for him, pushed him once just to experience how is that feel. We felt disgusted, we felt ashamed, and we never speak to anyone what happened that day, and we never talk about that situation for the rest of our lifes. And we kept that in secret just for us.
Oh and there is one more think, important to mention. In last primary school classes, my parents bought us first stationary PC and it was 486DX100. I think it got 2MB RAM, tiny hard disc, and no windows. Parents also buy us book, how to operate DOS system. Computer was locked with password forr me, and parents were letting me use it only within them in the house. I readed whole book. I operate DOS in basics, and learn to run and play my first computer games. Parents deny me to play Quake 1, because it was violent, but I played different games, like need for speed 1, sometimes older brother allowed me to play violent game with him, and we fight in two in Mortal Combat, from time to time. When some days i was early from class in home, I was sneaking onto PC, I worked out many times parents passwords, even they change it from time to time. And I played Quake 1 anyway, and I played GTA 1. And I enjoyed it. I was turning off PC, on time mum was about to get home. I think after year, parents bought more RAMS for PC, and we installed first Windows 3.11 onto it. I learn the instalation process, and me and my brother did it on our own. PC was locked for me untill I went to my first work, in the age of 15. I work hard phisically and digging wholes with shuffle whole shifts, for about month. I remember one thay was damn rainy, the whole I was digging was full of water to the knees. Around mid day I came out from it, and rest, on the edge of hill, and i slipped, and fall down with my face onto cut tree stamp. That was my last day of work. I was returning with a bus alone, full of mud, totally wet, exhausted, and painfull. Company tried to rip me off payment, but mum helped me, went to the company, yell on them, and get me my money. And I get my first own PC, I think it was Duron 233 or sth like that. My older friend Paul from last staircase of my block, helped me only with processor instalation, and cooler. The rest of components, I builded myself. I knew what hard disk is, where Rams go to, Graphic Cards, and how to chain all cables. I maintain to instal newer Windows by myself. I played more, but still was going out to my friends outside.
In my middle classes, I also started to jerk off. I stole paper porns off my older brother occasionaly, and wank from time to time. Sometimes it was once a week, and sometimes it was once a month. They were always fast actions, and I was finishing in the minute. And even I wank until this year, I never spend many hours on watching porn. I desire naked beatifull woman, and fullfilled my urges to woman. Once I stole paper porn from my brother with very fat girls. and I was disgusted, didn’t excite myself, and putted that paper back on the place. I desired normal, natural size womans. In last class colony, on age 15, I also smoked weed for the first time. I was smoking weed very rarely until I reached 20. I didn’t had regular job, and I was using that drug only when someone share it with me. In age 15 I drunk my first beer, which I stole from parents basement. And I drinked those beers very occasionaly until getting regular job around 20’s. And I smoke a cigarette for the first time. I smoke very occasionaly, hiding from people with friends, holding cigarettes with wood sticks, so our fingers wont smell nasty, and so our parents can’t catch us. In last classes as well, I went with parents to my grand parents and kissed the girl forr the firrst time. And she was my own cousin. We felt weird after that, but willing to experience. We did it only once, and for many years I was returning to grndparents estate, but we never repeat that, and we never talk about that again with anyone. We kept our secret for us.
I think that’s about it for this chapter. In the next one, I describe my Highschool times. But this maybe next week.
Farewell everyone, and have a great day, all of you!!!
Chapter 3
I started High School, on the other side of a town. And I had to drive by bus every day to school. I met a new friend Damian, who was leving just next to our blocks, and we went to the same class. And maybe first month he was looking ok, but very fast I realized that i meet my first deamon in my life. He was smart, intelligent and pure evil person. He joined hooligans criminals in our town, he was convincing me and my block friends to steal properties from our friends, and class mates. to beat people and robbed them for nothing. This motherfucker, earned money not by his own hands, but convincing others to do bad things for him. Because of that motherfucker, I stole one cellphone, from my class mate I think in Second high School class. That mate was suspecting me, but I didn’t admit to that, and have solo fight with him after school one day. Of course I have to share money forr this cellphone with Damian, and I earned only 12 euro for that. Many years later, when I was living in Ireland, in 2006 and had some savings, I wrote letter to that mate, Admitting to him, that I stole that cellphone of him back then, I wrote that I’m sorry for what I’ve done, and I attached 200 Euro to envelope just to payback, to feel better myself, and to buy back my sin. My conscience didn’t want to forget about my bad behavior. Once also we went in group to town centre, with great leader Damian. And we spotted arguing youngers, and Damian ordered us to fight with them. He want to rob them from cellphones and wallets. I choosed one guy, knocked him over for nothing in this damn madness. But after he fall, I pulled my hand to him, helped him get up, and ordered him to flee as fast as he can, so he avoid lost his belongings. In this fucking madness moment, I didn’t want to take any of his goods, and prevented him of beeing robbed from his cellphone and wallet. And maybe I punched person forr nothing. But I didn’t steal anythig off him, and I felt better then the rest of my idiotic friends. I never went with Damian group again to downtown by evening for any fucking madness robery and violence. Yet this motherfucker, I think in third class convienced me one last time, to take two backpacks from 2 guys on swimming pool. And one of them was my friend, from primary school class. He promised, that he is just interested in one new pair of shoes and new watch not of my friend, but that strange guy. When those guys went to water, I took two backpacks, went to changing room, and other crew mate, took those backpacks from me, promising he returning rest of good back on the place. And I went back home. I never get any money for this, those poor 2 guys, were returning home naked, and my great friends throw stolen socks under my staircase making me scapegoat. My friend victim, come to my house with parents. I explained whole fucking situation, I said I’m sorry, and we deal, that I will work fulltime all holidays, just to payback for their loss, so they want call for the Police on me. I quit my hooligans “friends” forever. Just to mention, my hooligan “friends” stole off my money for the class trip as well tricking me, and tricked me once again stoling my brand new Panasonic Walkmen. They also once trick me, and sell me marjoram, telling me it’s weed. And whole block zone new about it, and laugh from me for the week, and nobody was willing to tell me the truth. I was a laughing stock for all, and they all have great fun. But I felt cheated again, and felt like a trash. FUCK FRIENDS LIKE THAT.
And I bought my first Sound Engineering Book, and readed it all. and I started to write rap lyrics, installed Cooldown 1.0 for voice recording, installed first reason, started producing beats with just drowing by mouse. I bought my first microphone, pre amp, that uncle build for me, I bought microphone stand, I bent the hanger, and put on a stocking on it. And I prefered stay home and make music, then stay outside with those fucking criminals. Soon after that, on one of them sick violent conquers, they all get caught by police and open for themselfs criminal files. But I avoid that shit to happen to me, because I stepped out from this fucking madness in a right moment. I wrote rap song anbout my “friends”, I wrote very nasty rap song for Damian describing his nasty behavior, and spreaded on CD’s around the zone, telling everyone what motherfucker he is. He listened to that song after few days, he sneaked with his pupil under highschool area. And both of them knocked me over. His pupil sitted on my hands, Damian sit on my legs, he put brass knuckles on his hand, and he punched my defenceless face several times. Lucky was me I didnt loose my teeth. But my face was smached. Damian never finish highschool, And I suceed and graduate with average grades, and even I was at risk with few subjects, on last class. I learn hard, I learn a lot, pulled up whole degrees, finished a High School, and graduade Maturity Certificate. Adding few words about school itself, my best teacher was History teacher proffesor Żyrek. He was damn great, he emanated with so much passion, that all class listen to him with full concentration, and soaked his wisdom. He was good for all class, he always gave whole class good grades, and nobody intterupt his speaches. He could even laugh from disabled guy in our class, but not harming him at all, we all yelled. He share to us so much wisdom, that I learn whole World History from the ancient times, Ancient Romanians, Ancient Greeks, Egiptians, British, Spanish, France conquers, exploring America by Columb, exploring Australia, History of United States, and deatailed History of Poland from the first King, and detailed World Wars 1 and 2. He was so passionate that I readed extra book titled Icebreaker. I understand, that both Hitler and Stalin were mass murderers. Hitler protected and saved whole Europe from beeing flowned by Russians. Stalin was preparing insanely big invasion on our continent, and setting all milions of offencive militaries on boards just to rush whole Europe, but Hitler was quicker, and thanks to his offencive movement for Moscow, Germans smashed most of Stalin military power. And even if nazis were bad and killed milions of jews and polish people in their deathcamps, they still save Europe and prevent it to be conquered by Russians. And thats why I respect Germans, and I don’t hate them, for their history or past. After reading this book, I wrote my rap song “Talk with Joseph” and gave it as a present for my professor. Lyrics are conversation between normal rightfull person, and twisted mind pure evil tyrant person. During highschool time I also flee from the house once, and left farewell letter for my family on my desk. I don’t remeber why I did that, but nothing nice happend in our family house. Mum and Dad were always arguing between each other, And me and my brother were always arguing with each other. It was a home War. Mum move out form dad’s room, taking mine, and I had to split one bigger room with my Bro. We always blame each other for every stupid shit, totaly not important. Everyone was so hatefull and yelled. Back when i still had my own room, Mum come to me, separate from agressive drunked Dad, and lay on the floor to sleep. Dad runned into room, and they were start shake themselfs. I stand in defence of Mum, and get punched so hard in the face, that i bounced off the wall. Dad left mum then alone. But he wasn’t alcoholic. He didn’t overdose alcohol. He was full time truck driver whole his life. He took me on many trips, and we had great time togheter, like father and son should have. He just shouldn’t drink that vodka and lost his mind because of that bad alcochol. Me and my brother were going with dad many times to fix cars. I didn’t learned car mechanics, because I was younger, and was always just giving the right keys to dad and brother under the cars. Brother learned all mechanics, and his fixing his own cars until now. Dad was also “golden hand” damn he knew how to fix everything that broke in the house. He could fix a TV, he could fix a washing machine, any electricity in the house, whole watering system in the house. And he didn’t use on us physical agression more then mum. Mostly mum was conviencing him to beat us. So he beat us with a belt many times. But after every cane, I learned something, and I knew I did something wrong, and I took a lesson from that. And my bad behavior journal notes, where always for something different stupid actions. And I always tried to not repeat the same mistakes.
I was making music more, I met new friends Tomek and Marek, and we made a rap band. I recorded my first solo album, and we recorded two albums with our band. We were one of the primals in our town, and we played several gigs, and supports in local bars. This fucker Damian, didn’t want to leave me alone, and his was searching me on those gigs along with multiple pupils few times, but good people always protected me, and hide me out from them. He didn’t want to leave me alone, untill I emigrate to IRELAND in 2005.
Now little about Girls. I met Agness in first class of highschool. She was gorgeus blonde. We were meeting for about 2 months. We kissed few times, but I didn’t fall in love with her. I had complex of yellow teeth, and was blocked, and afraid of girls. After two months, I decide we split, tell her, that I prefer my hooligan band, and I think that was worst decision in my life. I realize that I did wrong after i quit hooligans. I was asking her to get back to each other, but she didn’t want anymore. In my highschool class, there was a gorgeus brown hair Anne. I build real friendship with her. We were meeting ofen in her house, talk, watch movies, spend time on outside walk, for almost two years. But i had complex of my yellow teeth, I was afraid to hug her, and was blocked to make that first forward step and kiss her. I regret that all my life. Last time i met her, she told me, that she met her boyfriend, and sh’e meeting with him now. I cried to her, I yelled her that I love her, but it was to late. In last semestre I tried with Adrianne, gorgeous blonde with big titties. I met her in her apartment multiple times, and when I openly ask her to start walk with me, she declined. I felt rejected again, and just fall in complex deeper. I wasn’t meeting any more girls in Poland.
Now part with sailoring. Band mate Tomek, achieved on his 16’s inland skipper papers. I was older then him 2 years, so I was adult. And he offered me I think 3 times, to go on their parents small yacht, along with some male friends. Damn they were my best male crew only vacations in my life. We were singles, we were free, and we had great adventures togheter. We sailed on trail across whole chain of lakes in Polish Mazury area. We always planned trip well, Tomek was great capitan, and he shared, whole his knowledge with us, explained us water road signes, how to avoid shallows, and responsibilities to be taken by crew on the boat. We had some funny scary accidents, about we laugh until this day. To heating food next to ship on docks, we had small gas cylinder with burner. And once this cylinder started to fire!!! Fuck we were scared! We had to think and react fast, and one of us (I dont remeber who) just grab a blanket from a boat, covered cylinder and prevent gas explosion. Other time we were folding the mast, to get through bridge. Something stocked, and we handle the mast in hands for about hour, but Tomek, fix the thing, and we pull it back up at final. Each evening we stay in different yardtown. We were drinking beers afternoons, visiting towns, going for parties everyday in different places! I took my boombox with me on most of those vacations. I don’t remember each day perfectly, but I describe the most important memories and situations I remember. First one, school girls crew arrived close to us, and they joined us and and for wine to drink. They were 16, all my crew were 16’s and I was only 18 who could buys wine for us. We had great night, we played with them spin the bottle and kiss. And I kissed all three or 4 girls that night! One was not that pretty, but it was pleasure to his with her too! That was great! We didn’t had sex. We ended up drunk and all male crew get naked and jump into water! Was fun! We felt freedom! Next day grils sail away, and one of them was willing to meet me again, and set with me up for the next day. That didn’t happen, because thay sail different direction then us. Yet two days later we meet up on different port. My crew gaved me cabin keys, left the boat for me, went downtown, and I was excited, and I hope I will finally experience closeup with girl! She came to boat with me, we kissed for like 30 minutes, and she was hurrying me up to have sex, because she have to join school meeting check very soon. I fucked up situation, and I told her, to go to that meeting first, and then to come back to me! She never return, so I remained virgit. I will remember that girl for eternity, because she was gorgious, and opened for me, and not disgusted with my yellow teeth. And why again repeting that teeth complex? All primary school kids were laughing of my teeths. They called me ugly hundreds times. Girls were turned back on me with disgust and didn’t want to become friends with me. I felt like shit whole primary school. That’s why I was bad behavior sometimes. And I stopped smile with open mouth for the rest of my life. And I lost my self confidence for the rest of my life. But returning to vacations, I also remember accident. I sitted on top of skate ramp for longer period alone. And it started to rain, and ramp get slippery. I thought i sleep save on it but I fall and smash my backhead again, opening the same scar again. And I run for hospital calling for help, fuckers ignored me for about 12 hours. They didn’t stich it, because it was too long period time from accident happen. They put plaster on my open backhead, and send me back to my boat. Last important situation worth to mention is we (Me and Tomek) were rap and freestyle a lot on our trips, but mostly on our boat. And one evening, we came out on pier, next to disco club, and I beat my personal freestyle record. For first hour, me and Tomek switched with performance, but Tomek gave up, and I freestyle myself for the next 5 or 6 hours until morning throwing all shit that concerned me in my life, I freestyled about my opinions, and throw all emotions out of me by rapping truth. Damn I was feeling proud, whole group of people came out from club and rounded me to listen how I perform. And that’s my personal record with freestyle until now.
After finishing highschool I went for daily studies. I choosed private University on Math&IT Specialisation. Parents were paying for that lot of money I think over 100 dollars monthly. I was good with maths, but was lacking with programing. I meet my friend Andrew, who lacked maths, but was good with programing. We stick with each other, to help each other with those. He explained me C++ and how to write comments, and the basics of that skill. And I teached and explained him Maths. Sometimes we went togheter to local pubs to have beer and played pin-ball. I finished first semestre with ease, but then some circumstances occured, My dad lost his job, and parents told me, they don’t have money to pay for my University anymore, so I looked and choosed Teachers College on the same Specialisation, Math&IT. I went to meet Dean, and showed him my student index from Private University. She cheked it out, she said it’s fine, that I can transfer, and she promised me, that my degrees will be rewritten into theirs, and that I will have to pass first semestre, with only 2 additional exams. So I started second semestre. I learned diction, I learn basics of psychology, I also interested myself in self hypnosis and dream remebering. I learn basic pedagogical skills, and many more. The exam session was getting close. I started to asking teachers, if they transfered my first semestre degrees, and they all declined. Those all fuckers, didn’t agree to transfer a single degree from previous school. They ordered me, that I have to write and pass over 30 exams on this session, to pass for the next year. I felt cheated so much!!!! I was overwhelmed with the numbers of exams, and the amount of wisdom I have to obtain, to achieve college continuation. So I gave up, and I quit College then, and I went for full time job.
During that time, I was practising myself with the dream remebering, and maybe I never wroted up what I dreamed about as knowledge suggested, but each morning, I was trying to perpetuate my dream. And I have some scary dreams. I dreamed about this fucking deamon Damian, and that he is stabbing me, and killing me. In some scary dreams, I was in real darkness, smellly tiny corridors, and meet the devils themselfs. But I could just simply wake up in the moment of death and biggest scare, as I was aware durng my dreams. But I had dozens of wonderfull dreams as well. In my dreams I started to learn to fly. First practises of flying were hard. To fly into the air, I had to swim up like in water, and use a lot of effort, to be above earth. But during my lifetime, I learn just to blow up in the air. Many times I had wonderfull dreams, that I am flying above my City. That I’m not afraid of heights. Many times I was on rooftop of High buildings, and wasn’t affraid to jump from them. I also practice a lot a self hypnosis. Mostly by the evenigs, I tried to clear my flowing minds in my head, and disable them, just by laying in bed and self workout. During one of that sessions I had one strange experience. It was late evening, and I watched for a longer time calendar above my bed, and focusing one point for couple of minutes. That calendar just started to wave, and I felt I’m in in alter place. I stand up from bed, and went to my brother side of rroom. And I saw him playing games on his PC. I was trying to talk to him, but my mouth was kinda blocked, and I couldnt say a word. I felt so strange, and come back to lay on my bed. Everything waved again, and back to normal. I standed up just to check on my brother, and he was sitting, playing his PC games. I believe I experience my first body leaving back then. But I was so scary, that I gave up on self hipnosis for longer period of time. I wrote and record about that experience in song “Thoughts”, recorded with my band mate Tomek.
For month or two I was working on gas station as oil promotor. All shift I had to stand outside, help customers to fill oil, and try to convince them to purchase more expensive oil. Boss fool me on a job training with some bullshit, of how more expencive oil is better. But I research myself, that is all bullshit, and that more expensive petrol isn’t any better then regular one. I quit that damn job, becouse I decide, I won’t fool other people and ripping them off from their money, and my conscience did’t allow me to continue this job. So I went for bussnes site maintenance job, and I met another deamon in my life Darek. I was 20 and he was 36. We worked togheter, we were taking shower after work, in separate cabins. Sometimes he laugh “to life be tasty, once girl, and once boy” I thought he just joking. We become friends, and he started to giving me free weed to smoke. I thought he sharing it me because we spending time togheter and we are friends. But this sick pervert wasn’t my friend at all. He started to invite me to his parents flat to his room. First several meeting we just talk and smoke weed. After some time, he propsed me to watch porn togheter and wank. Yea I wank myself, from time to time, and I thought it’s ok. First 2 times, we didn’t touch each others dicks. But in third time, he convinced me to jerk him off, and that he jerk me off simultaneously. I did that, but I felt fucking weird, I understand that is not normal situation, as I desire Girls, not fucking boys. I limited contact after that with him, and didn’t went to his house again for couple of months. But we still call to each other and talk on phones. When I told him I’m willing to emigrate to Ireland to start a new life, but I’m afraid to go there alone, and I don’t know where to go after landing, he said he might help me. He ask me to come over to his flat last time. He said that he have female friend there who will help me, take me from airport and give me accomodation for the first weeks of my new life. But he make a condition, that he will give me her phone number, when I suck his dick. He accused me that I smoke lot of weed from him for free, and that I own that to him. SICK FUCKER!!! I did what I did, thankfully he didn’t finish in my mouth. I payed the prize for getting new life abroad, and getting some help for start. And I suffer for that decision my entire life.
Farewell Everyone, and have a great day, all of you!
Chapter 4:
After landing on Irish Land, female friend take care of me, I even knew her myself, couse she was older girl from my neighborhood. I already had written CV’s in English by myself, with coloured pictures. We get to DART train, and go for Bray. She explained me what to do. In only one day, I get PPS no., I opened bank account, Get myself Irish phone no, and get job offers from the nearest labor. The next day I got the job, as DELI Sandwich maker, on MAXOIL GAS STATION. The owner of this place, was a fat man around 50. He interviewed me, accept my communication skills. Explained me how to operate on my station of work. I don’t need to explain to you what my responsibilities were been. But I remember all clearly. I was continusly in fast movement, to work on my station, and every time I stopped for a second, I’ve been rushed to keep moving by lazy sitting cashier, who sit whole day and did nothing on his shift. I was allowed to smoke only 3 cigarettes on my 8 hours shift. At least I could made 1 sandwich for myself, of any desire for free. Lot of different people coming, and ordering different food. Yet I had lack of understanding english natives I learned and understand multiple different english natives styles and accents of speech. In just few months. I worked there for 9 months, but I decided to quit, after two situations. Once I was cleaning room freezer on the ladder, and fall over, and couldn’t stand on one leg for the rest of a day. I begged to release me home that shift, but those fuckers didn’t allow me, and I was jumping like a fucking monkey on one leg, servicing customers for the rest of my shift I felt that is not right, yet I stayed in this job until last situation. I pull out bunch of freezed sticked sausages, and I tried to split them with knife. Knife slipped, and I pierced my hand right through. And those fucker, didn’t allow me to release my station again. I beg them I need to go to hospital. But they convienced me that I will be fine, bandaged my hand, and order me to work to the end of the shift again, with painfull, and souring hand. I went hospital straight away after Job. But doctor said, it cannot be stiched anymore, couse 7 hours passed from accident. My scar could be smaller on my hand, if those fuckers let me go instantly to hospital. And I fell like trash again. And I decide I quit my job.
Returning to begining, of my private life. After getting DELI Job, I rent my own appartment, from the same landlord on the street where I arrived first day. He was looking ok, He visit me once a week, for his rent, And I payed him for the next months regulary. He had his paper hand book, and he didn’t gave me any recipe confirmation that I payed that rent. He was increasing it almost every month for nothing. He didn’t install washing mashines in his flats, so people from the street, had to use his laundry nearby and pay for washing their clothes. My friend Andrew from university fly over to me and lived with me. We slept in separate rooms. Soon after that, my rap band mate Tomek arrived, along with his school friend Adam. So In just few weeks, we had full party flat. Andrew get guitar for himself, one of us buy playstation. We spend afternoons by chating drinking beers, mostly ordering some takeaways. It was very messy in the flat, because noone want to take responsibility to clear that shit. I cleaned that mess few times, and was asking others to help with some cleans, but we preferred just to sit, relax, chat, have a laugh, smoke hashish, and drink few beers. Even that I slept with Andrew in one bed for few months, we had separate coats, and we were normal guys not interesed with each other by any way then mental friendship. And that was normal. Yet we smoked by evenings, I always got to job sober in the morning. I never smoked before going to job, and was sober full time worker for whole my life. I don’t remember clearly, but if I jerk myself sometimes, this was extremaly rare, and I was closing myself in the toilet by nights, and did my plasures in hidden for less then a minute. By the weekends, we were going to the mountains dozens of tmes. We enjoy it, to reach the top and smoke a blunt, and drink some wine. Mostly we reached our Brayhead hill, as they were short few hours walks. But once we wanted to reach highest mountain beside our Town, Sugarlow Mountain. trip took us whole long day. We walked out 8 in the morning, and we were back before midnight. Fuck that was a hard long trip. But reaching the top was great. And walking back by night, was also so great. The night sky was so beatifull with billions of stars. And even mostly we did walks in group, I enjoyed to climb those mountains alone. And do the self workout, and meditate on tops. I enjoy nighttime walking and wasn’t scared of darkness. I run down Brayhead many times with a full speed like a goat. On one those walks I had also one experience with big bumblebee. He just fly around me forr few minutes, and then sitted on my hand for about a minute or two, just taking sunbath. I wasn’t scared at all, I didn’t panic at all, and I felt that I am nature friend, and I’m part of nature, and was so proud of that experience. I know that I’m part of nature, and all animals are trusting me. Strange dogs are always friendly to me. And I’m not affraid of any dog, even scary bulldogs, pitbulls, or big sheep-dogs. But, returning to mountain walks, I stopped jerking of that time for longer few months period. I was meeting Magda. She was skinny, had short hair, and we become friends. We spended lot of time walking on seashores, but I treated her as my sisterr, and was always afraid to kiss her, and hug, because my damn yellow teeth complex. I even took her once for Sugarloaf Trip. Our friendship ended, on one meeting, when I think she wanted me to kiss her, but I kiss her chick only and we splitted. She didn’t want to meet me anymore, and people told me later, that she found herself muslim boyfriend and changed faith. On my self workout I even gave up damn cigarettes for week or two. And then during my one meditation on top, I reached and experienced Nirvana feeling. It was so great!!! I felt endlessly flowing love throu my prism of mind. For few weeks I saw aureolas above all people that were walking by. I tried to share my wisdom with my flatfriends, that only love counts, but they called me insane!!! They were arguing with me, They were so mad on me, and keep telling me I should go to hospital, to seek mental help. But I didn’t. During that time I was working in Superquinn, as slicer operative. I was facing off shelfs with bread, and servicing people. So big lines off people were coming to me, just to slice their bread. I become Superquinn Employee of the Month that time. And I was so proud for myself!!! My experience ended, and I back to normal. I came back for smoking cigarettes, and jerking off from time to time. And I stayed in Superquinn for next month, but they payed minimum wegde, I didn’t get from them any extra pay for my achievement, and I started to look for better payed job.
Next job I got was a Nypro Production Factory. Tomek went to the same job as well, but we had different stations, and only maybe once or twice we worked close by. They pay better money then minimum wegde. And maybe I work there short period of time, only 4 or 6 months, but I saved money to buy brand new PC for myself. I send my brother savings, and he bringed me parts when he fly to me with mum for one Christmas. We builded it togheter. PC had seeking thorough plexi, and colored lights like a damn Cristmas Tree!!! I was so happy that I can return to music production. After one year break. I bought also some used speakers on a local market. And created more reason sessions. Tomek and Adam went back to Poland that period. And why I work in Nypro so short? There where two agressive nasty lithuanian girls, working with me on the shift. They always had problem to me for nothing. They were picking on me, and giving me orders to do their job. I knew my duties, and I knew theirs, And I knew they are using me. They were rude, and aggresive to me every single day. Yet they were attractive, and they slept with management, having their lithuanian boyfriends in homes. They were continuesly making my shift days nightamares. Last day of work I yelled on them, So they can GO FUCK THEMSELFS FUCKING WHORES!!!, They report me to management, and I lost my job.
During that time, a new neighbour Wacek move in in below flat. He was about 10 years older then me. He came and ask for help, and i helped him, because he didn’t knew language. I wrote his English CV for free, get him PPS no, helped him open bank account, and get job offers. I even called myself those companies and talk for him. And I get him job quick. We smoked hashish togheter and we were friends for maybe 2 years. He started to bring his big family to our street, Each month someone new arrived. I helped all of them for free. I wrote dozens of English CV’s of those Polish strange people. Help them get PPS no., opening their accounts for them, and helping get job. And I felt proud for what I’ve done. I felt like a Polish Ambassador in Ireland. They were friendly to me. And we had saturdays big group parties, chatting having beers, and smoking hashish. They gave me extasy once, and we walked to the pub. It was nice experience, my mouth wasn’t stop talking for whole night. I make whole bunch of friends laugh forr so long. Next few days, my tongue and cheeks were painfull. And even it was good experience I didn’t take exstasy ever again.
I find new job as a Truck Driver in “Renew” tyre warehouse in Kilcoole, Co. Wicklow. I learned all types of tyres. In the morning i had to get invoices, and load my bus on my own, and search tyres across warehouse on tall racks. I was skinny, so I didn;t have problem with climbing on those racks. But there was never time to use ladder. We had only 2 hours for loading, and we had to drive out. Office workers many time kept us longer, to add more invoices. I learned 4 regions tracks during almost 2 years job. There was no navigation, and I bought maps, of Co. Wicklow, And Dublin. And I learned those tracks efficiently within just day or two on each new track I started. I enjoyed that job, I felt free, self responsible, and self management. Only bad thing happened to me in that job, that bosses son, office worker keep calling me every single hour some days, especially when he kept me longer to add more invoices, and he was rushing me constantly to drive faster. In just few months I catched 6 driving tickets, that I had to pay by myself. I was burden for their rush. Thankfully I had polish car licence (which I get on first exam when I was 18) and penalty points weren’t additive to me. Irish could get lost their licence for 12 points. But i was saved. End of my jab as a driver was caused by car accident, when I was knocked out on far lane by a combi car on a mainroad of our Bray Town. I was sober that evening, and crossing road to visit neighbours “friends”.
Returning to personal live during that time, I was arguing with Andrew more. He was lazy as he was from the start. I cleaned the house by myself for several months, keep asking him for help. But he always said he doesn’t give a fuck. He played only on his guitar, and playstation, and never took a single responsibility to even throw garbage. I got tired of him. And I asked Landlord for new Aparment few caches further the street. We splitted, yet we stayed friends for years after. I wasn’t mad at him for how he was. For few months I was living alone, helping Wacek family to start living in Ireland. For few weeks I even lived with a girl, niece of Wacek. She was gorgeus, but I never tried to get close to her, as she warned me about her muscle boyfriend, which was arriving few weeks after her. But she was cooking for me for few weeks, and maintained the flat, for helping her to start over new live abroad. When her boyfriend flied over, they both left from my apartment. I was rapping a lot, making new music productions, songs, and writing lyrics for new ZP Spoiwo album of my band. I also meet 2 polish rappers, and gave them 2 beats of mine for free. They recorded their lyrics in my flat, and I mixed them ready rap songs, for totally free. Yet they didn’t want rap with me, and after short collaboration, we splitted. Me, Tomek, and Marek finished our last album Spoiwo. That time, I also meet new neigbours, that were crazy funs of Jacek Kaczmarski. One of the greatest polish bards, in late 80’s. They shared to me aroundd 400 of his master songs. And I felt in love with them, they were brilliant and sofisticated! For all days in bus I listen to my new master of lyrics. He wrote interpretations of famous pictures, books, arts, epitaphs for varius artists, history of Second World War, ect. and his songs had double or even triple meanings, revoking communism, and currrent times, and even inner sides of single person. His brilliance soaked me so much, that I stopped to write my own lyrics, and just keep listening of his masterpieces for the next few years, memorizing almost all of them. Back to my flat and bus driver job, my single living in flat ended up badly. I made house party for couple of friends. Music was loud, only Polish people were invited. Some beautiful girls were dancing on the big flat windows. Then two Irish drunked guys, started yelling from the steet below, that they wanna join the party, I declined them few times, and they in revenge throw stones at my flat windows, and broke them. They started running away, and I started rapidly chase them. I get one of them few hundreds meters further and knock the guy down. That was last time in my life, when I use physical force on someone. Yet I had a reason to use that force against that person. Next day landlord spotted broken window, and kicked me out from my apartment immadietly. Explains didnt help at all, I payed this bastard regulary for almost two years, with no delay on rent, and in just one day, he made me homeless. Heartless prick. I packed my stuff, and bring it to my driver job warehouse. I slept in bus for couple of weeks in varius parking spots all over Bray, Greystones, Dun Leary visiting every second day different friends for taking shower, an keep basic hygine, reading books by evening times, and listenting my favourite songs on mp3 player through car audio system. I saved some money for beeing homeless, as I didnt have to pay half incomes to landlord. After few weeks I found new apartment across the street, and moved over. After few calls to Poland to my cousin Michael, he decide to come over to me. I explained him what to do first, but he was ok english, so he maintain to get a job himself. My parents divorced that time, and my older brother Darek also fly over to live with us. I spoke with my current boss about my brother, and he got job as customer service, as he was good english, and had bachelors degree from commercial and economic studies. Prievously mentioned car knockdown accident finished my bus driver occupation. I remember that day clearly. I was walking across the main street in Bray to Wacek flat with both hands in my jacket pockets, I crossed the close lane of the street, and then was blinded by lights and knocked over on further street lane. The moment of fly above the car I dont remember, but I got my consciousness back with a smashed face on asphalt, pain was so big, that my hands and legs were twisting, whole bunch of “friends” Wacek and mates were walking on pedestrian walk, and spotted me in the middle of street, and they totally ignored me, had a laugh and went into their flat for party. Luckily my brother Darek spotted me from window, and runned down and called for ambulance. Car driver was in shock, and he just stood paralized in panic, and did nothing. Ambulance came over in few minutes. I remember that I started to vommit on the way to hospital, and rescuers moved me on side save position, to vomit safely. I spended in Dublin hospital for two or three weeks. Doctors adviced me then I should file a case for compensation for that accident. I was looking like after 50 rounds with Mike Tyson on ring. My skull and brain was tested and scanned multiple times, if the inside bleeding is not repeating. I was released shortly later, I got sick allowance from doctors, and they banned me from beeing driver. They also said I cannot get into plane for next year. I think I spent month or two on allowance, I had to visit doctors each week to get payment. Yet after my smashed body regenerated to normal, I informed them, that I’m going to Poland for few weeks, but planning to coming back in short period. Doctors were very good for me that time. Even I told them to put on hold my allowance, until I came back from Poland, my allowance was paid for the next few weeks anyway, despite my absence on Irish land. Dad came over with his truck to pick me up.
I’m proud of Poland and proud of beeing Polish. But this country nowadays is not existable. Our goverment is not leading us right. Ours ancestors didn’t fight for that shit looking Country. We have most complicated taxes in the World. Our land, and companied are beeing sold to West. And EU is not helping us. They just invest their moneys to contiune our slavery for Europe. Polish people are the best hard workers, why you don’t appreciate them. Our land were always protecting Europe from Russians. We always give our blood to protect you. And EU paying us 4 times less salaries that western countries earn. Why is that?? Poles are brilliant, and we proving that to you with so many noble people. Why you keep underestimating us and treat us as your Slaves For God Sake. We suffered endlessly for centuries, Swedes attacked us, Turkish Attacked us. We had big great Country, and you rip us from maps for over 170 years!!! Yet we still kept our language and knowledge. We get back only 30 or 40 % of our lands, when you allow us back on the maps. Germans Russians Austrians reaped us apart so many times. And you EU leaders, still treating us for our endless suffer as your slaves!!!! SHAME ON YOU!!!!
I stayed Catholic, until this 2024 year, when I open my eyes, and realized those catholics spread bloodsheeds, rapes, and robbery with Crucials Conquers, in the name of “God”.Those catholics crossed Christ for 2000 years. But Christ suffer only 3 days in his 33 years life. Those priests, and popes builded their gold altars, churches and palaces for slavery and control of faithfull ones. Those popes and priests getting lands for free from goverments, and normal people have to loan for tiny flats for 30 years of their lifes.They bask in wealth and pride, they feed stray sheeps, and leading them to pray for SUFFER. And those blind sheeps suffer all of their lifes, because of that shit. I’m sick of it, I’m disgusted for this madness, and I apostatized this year. And I’m feeling great!!! I’m feeling free, and I feel I defeated this fucking “church” Antichrist by myself!!!! I know that first Pope of Church signed Certificate with Satan himself to bask in wealth and luxury, thanks to bloodsheeds and slumbering poor people, who not understand a thing!!!! I know Priests cannot get married and rising familys, only to keep church bilions estate, away from woman and children. Examination of conscience was invented only to intterogate, and track people, to control them with ease.
I identify myself as Primal Christian, I respect and love myself, I respect and love every human beeing, I respect and love nature, and I respect and love every animal and creature. And I’m good person, and never was greedy, and never cared about getting money, and getting rich. I did not desire any power, and I never felt better then others. Because we all equal. All my life I treated people equaly, with respect, no matter their inteligence level, no matter the position they have, and how many schools they completed. I say good morning to everyone, even to that junkie on the sidewalk, or drinking alcoholic. And all my life I just wanted to help others, not expecting anything in return.I provided selfless help to everyone, I work hard my entire life for minimum wedges, and always was fucked up in the ass, used, and accused by everyone for that.
I also realized, that I won’t sign to any existing religion in the world, because all religions and churches, mosques and temples, are damn, greedy institutions, to steal money from people, to interrogate them, and to blind, fool, control and enslave them. All the religions in the world are businesses to earn money, and not giving any faith to anyone. And there is no single holy book written by any God. Books were written by people’s hands, and invited to control population, and manipulate masses. The same as television, radio, and massmedia nowadays. All comm technology is invented only to track people by leaders, to manipulate them easier, smartphones are not to let us talk, they are to track what we are doing!!! All cookies policy was invented, so you agree hundreds of companies to track you of what you clicking, and what you doing on web. Everyone should look in their mirror, and do self examination of conscience, if they good or bad. And everyone should fight against their inner deamons, and work upon themselfs everyday to become better for themselfs, for others, and for earth. God’s are not above us, God’s are inside of us, and we have to look them in our hearths, not in damn temples.
This World reached zenith of madness. Globalists promoting pervertions, and sexual deviations, homosexualism, pornography, and other shit. And penis and vagina, should be used only for procreation of human beeing, and for cultivating love and normal heterosexual partnership, and not to fullfill personal twisted desires, deviation, pervertion, and lust. Doctors castrating young innocent kids, cutting off their genitals. You want to be transgender? OK. Grow up to 30, become an adult person, experience your sexuality with people, and then decide if u want to chop your dick off or not, but before your decision, ask for mental help, and learn about self acceptance you sick, poor, losted person. And those innocent kids are hurt in their young age, and their parents letting that shit to happen. Plastic surgeons making living walking abominations, and globalists promoting this shit. Those globalists promoting such idiotisms as hundreds different genders, pronounces, that males can go pregnant, or that earth is flat. Quality of education degrades, to not learn people too much. Ministers blurs history. All the leaders earning milions for damn endless wars, and killing people. Those globalists invented pandemic, to poison population, and shorten peoples lifes, so the countries, and goverments, won’t have to pay for people retirement. Those leaders want to enslave us totaly, removing cash and bringing digital currencies. They want to take normal cars from people, so people can’t drive long distances trips, and locked them in cages, in the name of some idiotism ecology. They spread idiotism, such as global warming, and robbing us more with new taxes in the name of that bullshit. Europe leaders bringed milions of immigrants, to start racial war on our continent, and to erase white race. This is downfall of Earth Civilization, and if this madness won’t stop, this human civilization will end, and Universe will take care of it, sooner then you think, if u don’t turn over 180 degreees, and won’t start fixing world for better. For thousands of years there will be no life on earth, and human race, will have to start evaluate from tadpoles again. There is only male and female gender, and people should learn how to accept and respect their bodies, and how to get old with dignity, and if they have problem with that, they should go to psychiatrist, to look for mental help. I cry everyday, for what you’ve done to this World, and feel sorry for all of you.
Medicine was invented by mass murders in death camps during World Wars, and it wasn’t invented to help anyone. Drugs, and medicines were invented to minimaze symptomps of sickness, and not to cure or heal anyone, they were invented as products to be selled and earn damn money. Hospitals are institusions, and businesses to earn the damn money. Doctors are nowadays executioneers, just to shorten our lives, and reduce our pain before we die, for them to earn damn money. Why there is no cure for cancer? Because globalists using this disease to depopulate humanity for years, and make sure, we won’t enjoy long healthy retirement. Sugar is cancer, in it purest form, and make whole bunch of sickness and diseases, why it is allowed to be selled? Why there is milions of sweets on the shop shelfs? Why they are promoted in the daily comercials? So the young childen addict from them, and getting sick early lifes. Sweets and sugar should be denied until maturity, the same as alcohol and cigarettes. But no, you want us to get sick early, so you can earn on us again, selling us drugs you sick bastards. Every product in the shop is poisoned with unhealthy substances, just to make sure we sick and buy medicine. People should cure with herbs and mushrooms, as our grand, grand, grand mothers did, and enjoyed longfull lifes. Globalists allowed homosexuals to rise children. What madness is that? Why those perverts are allowed to be close to innocent kids? Homosexuality is twisted desire. And homosexuals won’t give to innocent kids, any good example of how normal family should look like, with endlessly loving father, and endlessly loving mother. Those perverts, will only twist those innocent younglings, and destroy their psyche for the rest of their lifes. Jesus Christ!!! Whats going on on this World!!! Yes I tolerate homosexuality, I tolerate diversity, but pls not let them rise children. Human should be orientated heterosexual, and don’t give innocent younglings possibility to learn and think different, and think that pervertion is normal. Stop promoting LGBT, because it is not normal. Yes let’s accept them losted people, let’s tolerate them, but for God’s Sake don’t promote that different pervert style of life, and stop saying bullshit, that it is normal, because it’s not. We living in real Hell right now, and Universe will take care, to end this Hell sooner then you think.
Now about FATNESS AND OTHER SICKNESSES:
Human beeing born with legs and arms. Their where given to us to use them. Primal people use them to hunt, survive, and get food. Movibility is a natural human activity. AND FATNESS IS SICKNESS. You are fat and not accepting yourself? You are damn right!!! Your organizm calling you for help with your alterego. That’s why you have problem with self acceptance. Pls don’t go to psychiatrist, and don’t ask them for help. They will twist your mind, that Fat body is ok. And this is not true!!! Fatness is disease, that causing many health issues, and reducing lifetime drastically. But for God Sake, don’t go to doctor to ask them for help. They will chop your fat body, they will cut off most off your stomach, or put fucking baloon inside of you. And those fuckers, are not willing to help you!!!! They just wan’t earn money on you, and hurt you even more!!!! AND THEY DON”T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU, THEY FEELING BETTER THEN OTHERS, SMARTER, AND THEY THINK YOU ARE TRASH!!! BUT YOU ARE NOT!!!! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, FIND AND REVEAL YOUR INNER STRENGHT, AIM A TARGET TO LOOSE WEIGHT, AND MAKE AN ACTION TO HEAL YOURSELF FROM THIS SICKNESS, AND BE CONSEQUENT. START EAT LESS!!! GO TO FUCKING GYM FOR NEXT 3 YEARS!!! WORK HARD UPON YOURSELF. Time will past fast. I PROMISE YOU YOU WILL LOOSE WEIGHT AND BECOME BACK TO BE NORMAL AND SKINNY. AND YOU WILL START LOVE YOURSELF, YOU WILL FEEL PROUD FOR WHAT YOU’VE ACHIEVED, AND ACCEPT YOURSELF.
ALL OTHER DISEASES:
BE WISE!!! GO TO DOCTOR, OR LABORATORY, AND DO ALL NECESSERY BODY TESTS TO REVEAL WHAT YOU SICK FOR. BUT DON’T ASK FOR MORE HELP FROM THEM. USE MEDICINE JUST FOR DIAGNOSIS AND NOTHING MORE. THROW THEIR RECIPT TO BIN!!!. THEY ARE NOT WILLING TO HELP YOU. THEY DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU, AND THEY THINK YOU ARE TRASH! BUT YOU ARE NOT. ONLY MOTHER EARTH LOVING HUMAN BEEING UNCONDITIONALY, AND PROVIDING ALL NECESSERY CURES FOR HUMANS FOR FREE. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN CURE YOUSELF WITH THE HELP OF MOTHER NATURE!!! BUY ENCYCLOPEDY OF NATURAL MEDICINE. RESEARCH WHAT HERB AND MUSHROOM CAN HELP YOU WITH YOUR DISEASE. DRIVE OUTSIDE THE TOWN TO THE NEARBY FOREST. GATHER THOSE HERBS, BRING THEM BACK HOME, AND BOIL AND PREPARE MIXTURES AND ELIXIRS BY YOURSELF. YOU WILL CURE YOUR OWN DISEASE TOTALLY FREE, NATURALY AND YOU WILL BE PROUD OF YOURSELF, THAT YOU LEARN TO SELFHEAL YOU’LL BECOME YOUR HOME DOCTOR, WITH JUST READING ONE BOOK.. AND YOU DONT NEED ANY OF THOSE GREEDY FUCKERS, WHO JUST SHORTEN YOUR LIFES WITH DAMN DRUGS. DRUGS REDUCING SYMPTOMS, BUT THEY DESTROY YOUR ORGANIZM, AND SHORTEN YOUR LIFE EVEN MORE.
Chemistry is neccesery human knowledge. It was given to humans to help humanity. But it should be used for good to population. To raise new technologies, and only for that purpose. With that knowledge we could stop using oil and gas as main resources. We could use chemistry to get flying cars for everyone. But you fucks started using it opposite and wrong. You started use it to poison every possible food and product in the shop, and you used it to shorten peoples lifes. You used it for your false medicine. You use it for false vaccination, to shorten peoples lifes. You use it to people get sick all their lifes and die quicker. You fucked up everything what was given to you to make people better lifes.
HUMAN SHOULD NOT DESIRE SEXUAL PLEASURES. HUMAN SHOULD PRACTICE ON HIM/HERSELF TO THROW THAT SHIT AWAY. AND RESPECT THEIR BODIES, AND NOT RIP THEM APART IN THE NAME OF FUCKING MADNESS!!!! YOU THINK YOU HAVE TO JERK OFF AND WATCH PORN? YOU DAMN WRONG. YOUR BODY THROW THE SPERM OUT DURING YOU SLEEP WHEN IT NEED TO. ITS CALLED POLLUTION, AND ITS NATURAL. AND I SWEAR THAT DURING THAT PROCES, YOU WILL HAVE THE BEST EROTIC DREAMS IN YOUR LIFE. SO STOP WATCH THOSE FILTHY WHORES, AND SICK GANGBANGS, AND OTHER SHIT!!!!! HUMAN SHOULD USE HIS/HERS GENITALS ONLY FOR PROCREATION OF HUMAN BEEING, RAISING FAMILY, CULTIVATING NORMAL HETEROSEXUAL LOVE, AND BUILDING PERNAMENT LIFETIME RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS PARTNER. HUMAN SHOULD USE HIS GENITALS ONLY TO SATISFY THEIR PARTNERS NEEDS, AND NOT THEMSELFS!!!!! AND PEOPLE SHOULD WORKOUT ON THEMSELFS EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY, TALK WITH EACH OTHER EVERY DAY, BE HONEST, LOYAL, OPEN, LEARN TO RESPECT EACHOTHER, UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER, NOT CHEAT FFS, AND FEEL NEED TO SATISFY THEIR PARTNERS, AND NOT THEMSELFS!!! AND CHANGE THEMSELF’S FOR BETTER TO ACHIEVE THAT GOAL – PERNAMENT LIFETIME RELATIONSHIP. MALE SHOULD CHOOSE ONLY ONE WOMAN AND BE LOYAL TO HER FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE. AND OPPOSITE THE SAME. BUT IF YOU DO ALL WHAT YOU CAN, AND YOUR PARTNER IS STUPID AND NOT WILLING EVALUATE LIKE YOU, AND IS TOXIC, CHEATING YOU, BITTING YOU, OR DOING ANY OTHER VIOLENT SHIT TO YOU. JUST FUCKING RUN AWAY AS FAR AS YOU CAN. AND GIVE YOURSELF A SECOND CHANCE TO FIND GOOD MATE SOUL. WHO WILL RESPECT YOU EQUALY AND WILLING TO EVALUATE AS YOU DO TO ACHIEVE MAIN GOAL OF LIFE – PERNAMENT LIFETIME RELATIONSHIP. AND HUMAN SHOULD CLEAR THEIR DIRTY, FILTHY, DEVOTED, TWISTED AND PERVERTED MINDS AND UNDERSTAND, THAT ONLY FOLLOWING THOSE PRINCIPLES, THEY WILL REACH HAPPINESS, SELFLOVE, SELFRESPECT, FULLFILMENT, AND ONLY THEN THEY WILL GET OLD WITH DIGNITY FOR GOD’S SAKE. AND IF ONE OF THEM IS ABOUT TO DIE, OTHER SHOULD ASK IF HE/SHE CAN GET ANOTHER SOULMATE OR NOT. IF DYING PARTNER AGREE, THEN FIND YOURSELF NEW SOULMATE, BUT IF YOUR DYING PARTNER DECLINES, STAY SINGLE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, AND RESPECT YOU DEAD PARTNER DECISION. AND AWAIT TO JOIN THEM IN HEAVEN!!!! BECAUSE LOVE IS ETERNAL YOU MORONS!!!! AND THERE IS NO DEATH FOR THOSE, WHO PROVIDE THEMSELFS WITH RIGHTFULL, RESPECTFULL LIFES!!!!!
SO STOP THINKING ABOUT YOURSELFS YOU BLIND FOOLS!!! STOP THINKING OF WHAT YOU DESIRE, OR OF WHAT YOU NEED. BECAUSE TO BE HAPPY, YOU DON’T NEED ANY FUCKING THING IN THE WORLD!!! YOU NEED TO HELP, AND THINK ABOUT THE OTHERS!!! YOU NEED TO HELP OTHERS WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN!!! ONLY THEN YOU WILL FILL SATISFIED, FULLFILLED, PROUD, AND HAPPY!!! BY PROVIDING SELFLESS HELP FOR OTHERS, BY SHOWING EMPATHY TO OTHER PEOPLE, GIVING THEM LOVE, AND TREATING THEM EQUALLY WITH RESPECT!!! AND YOU SHOULD PULL OUT HELPING HAND TO THE MOST HURTED ONES, TO LOSTED ADDICTS, TO POOR, TO STARVING ONES, TO THIRSTY ONES, AND TO SICK ONES!!! AND STOP THINKING ABOUT YOURSELFS YOU IMBECILES!!!!!!!!!!
EVEN IN THE BIGGEST CRIMINALS AND PERVERTS, YOU SHOULD LOOK FOR SMALLEST CRUMB OF GOOD, AND HELP THEM EXPAND THAT GOOD CRUMB INTO GOOD SOUL. YOU SHOULD TEACH THEM RIGHT PRINCIPLES, TEACH THEM THEY CAN CHANGE, GIVE THEM GOOD WORDS THAT THEY ARE VALUABLE, AND UNIQUE, AND HELP THEM TO BELIEVE IN THEMSELFS AND HELP THEM EVALUATE. GIVE THEM TIME FOR CONVALESCENCE, AND THINK ABOUT THEIR BEHAVIOR, AND OPEN THEIR LOSTED MINDS. AND IF U SHOW THEM EXAMPLES OF BEEING GOOD WITH YOUR GOOD ATTITUDE, YOUR GOOD BEHAVIOUR AND YOUR GOOD ACTIONS. THEN THEY WILL BELIEVE IN THEMSELFS, AND CHANGE FOR BETTER PEOPLE!!!!
Our Great World Leaders, are not leading us correctly, they are not leading us smart, they are not leading us wise, and they are leading us for Apocalipse, and for the end of life on Earth. And I am not insane, this damn World is insane, because everyone forgot the principles that are important in life. Leaders bask in bilions, luxury jets, luxury yahts, luxury estates all over the World, and luxury cars. And Africa is starving, and lacks of watering system for eternity, South America is starving for eternity. Asia is poor too. And there is still slavery of woman, children, and man on those continents, and rich one’s not willing to help them. If they could just share with them half of their endless bilions, people could stop starving, and beeing thirsty and poor. They won’t taking their bilions into their graves with them, and they will be held accountable, for what they were doing, and for their greed, lust of power, positioning themselfs above the others, and for letting people to suffer for all generations.
I understand, that I might be killed for publishing those words, but I don’t fear death. And I’m not affraid to die for telling, and spreading the truth, and opening minds of people. I will sacrifice my life, if I have to, to defend right principles, that are important in life. Because I was sacrificing myself my entire life for others, and, if I have to, I will suffer and die, but I will suffer and die with smile on my face, spirit full of honor, and pride in my good loving hearth, and pure soul.
For telling truth, beeing honest and good, I was orally raped by old bisexual pervert in my early 20. And sucking a man’s dick was my first adult interpersonal sexual experience. Fuck I was feeling so dirty, fuck I was feeling so used, Fuck I hurt and felt endless pain, and felt bad every fucking day after that. And i felt like trash for the rest of my life because of that shit. And I lost love to myself, I losted faith in myself. And i losted selfrespect. Thats why i started smoke weed every day afternoons. But i never smoked from the morning, I always went to work sober. I smoked to forget pain, to fell happy, to put smile on my face, to laugh, and to relax my muscles after hard working days. Garda in Ireland catched me with ounce of weed once, on interview I said truth, that Me and my cousing bought that ounce togheter, but for personal use. They accuse me as drug dealer, because they find in our flat, my cousins scale, and my cousins drugbags. Couse he was drug dealer, and not me for fuck sake. I bought my half for my personal use only. I never sell any drugs to anyone, and never earn a single penny on weed. Cousin also terrorized me for over a year, stealing my food, not giving money for flat payments, calling me bitch, and threating me along with his fat friend. And I was again the worst, for beeing victim in my own apartment. People made me drug addict, which I’m not!!!! And I never was racist, but I was accused beeing him, for argessive lazy black male, who terrorized me, threatened me, and burdens me with his responisibilities in workplace for 6 months. Every shift day in my kitchen porter station, I had to clear this motherfucker mess, for about 4 hours. And after that i had to clean the dishes from my shift. After last shift in my job, I yelled in changing room, that he is lazy fucking nigga. Manager get that information next day, they called me for interview, and I lost my job for beeing racist, and I just tried to defend myself from that oppressor for God’s sake. For over year I was working with Blacks from Mauritius, and we all worked hard togheter, having laugh, chat, and respected each other, and we were friends. I listen from teeneger dozens of American Black Rap Artists, and they all rap nigga word so many times, that I find nothing offensive in this word. And I have black rapper soul, and I wasn’t afraid to use this word. I was accused by everyone for beeing honest. My own mother made me schizofreniac, and drug addict, and robbed me for half of my estate, she extorted my compensation for car accident, she appropriated half of my flat, half of my car, she appropriated my bank loan, which I payed out for the next years, she locked me in rehab for 18 moths, taking away my freedom, she appropriated my rehabilitation payments, and she extorted money from me for the last 15 years, convincing me, that I don’t know how to manage money, and that she will manage my savings better then me. She used me as an errand boy for the last 15 years. She was slandering me in front of the doctors, making me agressive schizo, and drug addict, which I’m not!!!! I was broke for the last 15 years, and had empty account each month, working full time thanks to that. All of that hell happened to me, only because I told her truth, that I like smoke weed occasionaly, and I smoked 1 spliff in front of her in 2006. Just 2 weeks ago I filed report with the prosecutor’s office about her crimes against me, and I’m going for war with her, expecting justice to be made by Court. And I will fight for my estate, I will fight for my good name, and I will fight to clear my false medical “mental illness” papers, and false disability.
Now, when cleared my mind from drugs, and saw her real face, I’m not that sure, if those “female hands” from first chapter wasn’t my own mother hands, who slumbered me from time to time, to create false epilepsy of mine, just to not work for 7 years. Strangely my epilepsy miraculously ended when she came back to full time work.